I Am A Jonah

I am. 

I’ve just finished reading James Herbert’s ‘The Jonah’ and the bloody penny has dropped.  I’m a Jonah.  I thought all these mistakes I’m making and bad luck I’ve been having was just God’s way of pissing on me, but there is ACTUALLY a logical explanation.

For those of you who don’t know what a Jonah is, Google define will tell you:

A male given name; A book of the Old Testament and the Hebrew Tanakh; A person who brings a ship bad luck; Any person or object which is deemed to cause bad luck; a jinx

So there you have it.  It’s maybe something I inherited, or more than likely something I “picked up” whilst visiting Seaham.  Seems the most likely cause.

[Edit 13.50]

So I’ve been thinking.  Should one be drilling a hole in one’s skull to let said evil spirit out?

Amelia Earhart

After checking out a story on Paranormal About, it is of interest to me to write this article because it will take me through my own learning process, as currently, I know nothing of the person in question other than that she disappeared mysteriously, although you only have to watch ‘Night at the Museum 2′ to know that her disappearance was caused by her failing to return to the museum before sunrise.

I jest obviously.

But no, seriously, what have I learned about Amelia Earhart?  Google Define says that she was the first female aviator to fly across the Atlantic.  This occured in 1928 and was to be her last flight as she disappeared over the pacific.  Her body was never found, nor was any sign of the aircraft.

She was officially declared missing on 2nd July 1937 and declared dead on 5th January 1939.  She was 40.

She was also a bit of a “burn-yer-bras” feminist and was a member of the National Woman’s Party and a strong supporter of you-know-who the Equal Rights Amendments.  Not that it would have made any difference to her, since she was only ever writing books and fannying around the skies in a plane.  Not sure how she thought her pay was affected.  Hey, I’d love to be a pilot, but sadly I can’t afford the learning fees so I have to start off small, like everyone else, stacking shelves and serving drunks on a council estate.

Jack the Ripper

So at the moment, I’m drinking a Coke and pondering who Jack the Ripper really was.  My Googling skills rendered me this wonderful site and although I read Patricia Cornwell’s ‘Portrait of a Killer’ and was convinced that all the evidence mounted up to a certain mister Walter Sickart, after checking out the massive list of candidates for Jack, now I’m not so sure.  There’s some dodgy looking people there.  I’d never considered Lewis Carroll  to be Jack but now they mention it, he did spend most of his time getting high and writing stories about talking, pot-smoking caterpillars.  So I suppose I’ll let old Walter off the hook.

Now my brain’s really working.  Surely you could discount a lot of those suspects as the Ripper MUST have had some massive knowledge of the anatomy.  I mean, he removed organs specifically and he knew where they were and what they were.  Personally, it just all looks the same to me.  A mangled mess of gunk.  So can we say that the Ripper must have been either a doctor or a medical student?

He also obviously hated women, or possibly just prostitutes.  I haven’t got much time for them either.  Maybe he had OCD and thought he was cleaning up London by gutting the trash.  I still say “he”,  Jack could have been a “she”.  But I don’t think so.